


Shattered

by Elivra



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, I have no idea how to tag this tbh, M/M, Manga Spoilers, SPOILERS FOR UPCOMING EPISODE(S), Sort Of, Time Loop, because of canon, seriously this isn't for anime-onlies sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 18:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30026214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elivra/pseuds/Elivra
Summary: Spoilers especially for manga chapter 114/anime episode 73 (or season 4 episode 14)!!Levi makes a miscalculation that costs him dearly, and is forced to walk through shards of his life's memories.Rated for descriptions of canon-typical injuries and violence.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Comments: 9
Kudos: 65





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> *turns up with Starbucks and an 8-month old fic just in time for the series to end*
> 
> I don't have an excuse for this. I don't know why whatever happens here happens. Just roll with it, enjoy the angst and the gay, gay love between Levi and Erwin!
> 
> Happy reading! <3

At first, it burns. Levi knows the feeling, vaguely remembers a faded memory from when he was a child, when he tried to snuff out a candle with his fingertips the way he had seen Kenny do it. It had hurt terribly then, and it hurts ten times more now. He barely acknowledges its familiarity when the rest of the pain assaults him.

And it fucking _hurts_ , the edges of a dozen blades slicing through him, splitting his face open, riddling his body with lines upon burning lines of pure _pain_. He smells the iron tang of his own blood, feels the misty cool droplets of rain that turn into a sudden flood as he is engulfed on all sides by the burning, teeming, icy cold water.

His vision seems to shatter into a million glass shards that slice through him anew. And everything turns black.

* * *

He is in an alleyway. He reaches up to touch his face, but he can’t — two of his fingers are missing. In their place are raw, gaping holes in his knuckles. They’re still open, still fresh, but not bleeding. And they’re numb. There’s no pain, somehow.

He squints into the alley — he can only see out of one eye, but he doesn’t want to check why — and he sees sunlight at the end of it. This alley is vaguely familiar. Different, smaller somehow. Maybe he was smaller when he last saw it.

Oh.

He sees a small shadow lurking in the end, just beyond the sunlit street. He was.

Levi walks forward, past the small figure, who doesn’t turn to look at him. Maybe it can’t see him. Maybe that’s for the best.

But then he is distracted by what the boy is watching: droves of chattering children entering a small building. Without another thought, he steps into the sunlight. No one screams, no one seems to notice the torn, bleeding man on the sidewalk, and he follows the children inside.

He drifts past room after room, still not sure what he’s looking for, certain he’ll know it when he finds it. He’s looking at the kids but none of them look familiar. He pauses as the hallways empty, children branching into their respective classrooms. And then he sees him.

A tall man with dark blond hair and glasses walks past him. Levi’s almost certain he’s never seen this man before, but he knows those eyes. Even after all these years, he’s never forgotten those eyes.

He follows the man into a classroom.

Something shifts as he enters the room, a blur of light and shadows, like ripples across a cracked mirror, and suddenly he’s in the far corner of the room, and the class is already midway. He sees the map, the drawing of the walls on the blackboard. He waits. He knows now.

A boy with golden hair, brighter than anyone in the entire classroom, raises his hand. The man at the head of the room twitches his lips a little, as if suppressing a smile. “Yes, Erwin?” He says gently.

“Teacher,” the boy says, and his voice is so light and high-pitched that Levi is disoriented for a bit. It’s a child’s voice, and Levi’s not sure why that seems so shocking.

“How do we know there’s no one left outside the walls?”

The classroom erupts into whispers that buzz and echo in Levi’s ears, amplified with each passing second. He jerks his head to the side, confused, and he finally sees the corner of the classroom that went unseen because of his ruined eye. There is a small, pale, dark-haired boy sitting there. A boy who doesn’t belong here, but no one seems to notice or care. The boy is looking at the other one — _Erwin_ — and then.

And then he turns and looks straight at Levi, his eyes the colour of dull steel—

And everything fades to darkness again.

* * *

This time, he’s in the Underground. This time, he sees Isabel. It’s all coming back to him now. He knows who this is and where he is, and he can guess what is happening.

Maybe. Sort of.

“ — and he calls _me_ reckless!” Isabel cries out loud, throwing up her hands.

“Isabel, calm down,” says Farlan, who is of course right there. They’re right there.

Isabel starts to pace. “We should go help him.”

“You know he’ll get mad.”

“Well _I’m_ already mad!” Isabel huffs, then sinks onto an empty crate. “I didn’t ask him to go after them.”

Farlan sighs and leans onto the wall next to her. “They hurt you. You didn’t have to.”

“Bullshit,” Isabel snaps, and Levi feels a strange emotion well up in his chest. “He thinks he’s helping me when it’s only making me more worried!”

“He can take care of himself,” Farlan says quietly.

“Yeah, but that’s not the point!” Isabel slams her hand onto the crate, and Levi winces. She’s always so loud. His face twinges with a stab of pain, and he realises he’s trying to smile.

“I can take care of myself too and still he’s gone to ‘help’.” She flexes her fingers in air quotes. “If he listened to me, he’d know this isn’t helping.”

“What isn’t?”

And Levi watches himself step out of the shadows — a younger, more arrogant, more foolish version of him. Isabel jumps up, “Big bro!” and practically pounces on him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” younger Levi grumbles and shakes her off, and Levi wants to go up to him and smack him upside the head. _Don’t let her go_. “I bought eggs.”

Isabel grabs the paper bag with a squeal of delight, while Farlan arches an eyebrow and teases, “Did you really buy them?”

“I’m not wasting my time planning a hit for a couple eggs,” younger Levi retorts, shrugging Farlan’s hand off his shoulder. _Don’t let them go._

“Eggs for dinner, yes!” Isabel squeals, punching the air. The three of them start to walk away and Levi tries to follow them but it’s like he’s stuck in mud, moving too slow.

“Next time, big bro,” Isabel’s loud voice carries over, “I’m not letting you go alone.”

Levi hears himself grumble something to her, tries harder to catch up to them, but he’s moving slower with each passing second.

“Yeah, Levi,” Farlan’s amused voice is faint. “We’re never letting you go, ever.”

Levi can’t let them go. He stretches out his arm, the stumps of his fingers glimmering in the dark, but there’s nothing to hold onto. _Don’t let them go_ , he thinks, panicked, when he sees younger him glance around—

And then he looks at him, _again_.

This time he knows to expect the darkness.

* * *

They’re in the Survey Corps HQ in Shiganshina. Levi hasn’t seen it filled with so many people in years. He’s forgotten how it looked without the damage caused by invading Titans. An invasion that’s mere months away at this point, but no one knows it’s coming.

Levi watches himself stare a hole into the ground. He is standing just outside the stables, listless, waiting. Levi remembers this day. He could never forget it, not a single second of it.

The two Levis wait as soldiers trickle out of the stables. Mike, Nanaba, Ulric, Henning, a young Langnar, Hina, Metzger… He doesn’t know all their names yet, of course. He will, though. Soon.

Erwin walks out last. It feels a little off to Levi, then he remembers he isn’t the Commander yet. No need to rush into meetings immediately, no need for order upon order upon order to ensure the smooth running of the Corps. He will, though. Soon.

Erwin looks around for a moment, then he sees him. And he walks towards them, one Levi in uniform and tanned jacket, frozen in grief, and the other Levi in black gear and old cloak, scarred and wounded and grieving all the same.

“Thank you for waiting,” Erwin says, and Levi can’t look away from him. He looks younger, with fewer wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. But the bags under his eyes and the firm set of his mouth are all too familiar. The younger Levi says nothing, still doesn’t look up at him.

“I am going to request you be transferred to my squad,” Erwin continues. There is a small pause that Levi now would have called awkward. “Is that amenable to you?” _So formal_. It’s almost funny how careful and polite Erwin is being. He wonders how he didn’t see it before. But past Levi doesn’t know how familiar Erwin will become, how much understanding will grow between them. All he knows in this moment is the blood on his boots, on his fingers, the blood that Levi knows he will spend weeks trying to scrub away.

Younger Levi stirs. “It’s your command.”

Erwin stares, blinks. Levi sees his fists clench, and he’s known Erwin so well that he knows exactly what is going on in that stupid golden head of his. Levi feels a twinge of pain in his chest at the thought.

“It’s not. I’m asking you.”

There’s another pause, longer and heavier. Erwin waits for his response patiently, and Levi feels a surge of gratitude that Erwin didn’t push him. He never did.

“If you think that’s best,” past Levi says finally.

Erwin lets out a soft sigh, and again Levi can’t believe he missed all of this before. Erwin is baring himself to him in his own way, and he hadn’t even _looked_ at him.

“I do. I—” Erwin raises his hand, and Levi watches, stunned. He had almost touched him then, and he never fucking _knew_. But Erwin drops his arm. “I wanted to thank you for staying.”

Past Levi finally looks up at Erwin. He remembers feeling nothing in that moment. He’d been numb for a while. “I made my choice. No regrets, right?”

Erwin sighs again, gives him a soft smile. Levi only knows now that it was soft. “You’re right.”

Past Levi says nothing more. Erwin clears his throat, nods. “Dismissed.”

Levi watches himself start to stride away, then pause, jerk around to give Erwin the salute. He hadn't bothered to look at Erwin before hurrying away. But Levi sees his face now, sees the wide eyes, the slight parting of his lips. He looks shocked, and Levi can’t blame him.

It takes him a moment to realise that Erwin isn’t watching him walk away at all. He’s looking at _him_ , ripped and bruised and standing right there.

_How…?_

Levi opens his mouth to call out his name, but darkness engulfs him with a resounding crack before he can do so.

* * *

He drifts through many memories without any seeming rhyme nor reason to them. He sees Shadis crumbling the day Wall Maria fell. He sees Erwin take the bolotie. He sees Erwin tell him that he’d been promoted to Captain. He sees many little bubbles of quiet moments in Erwin’s office, sees himself fight in an expedition or two, sees Petra’s first day in his squad, sees himself join Nanaba in pranking Hange and their squad.

All of the memories are swept away from him as soon as someone notices him. And it’s always either his past self, or Erwin. Always. One glance, and the memory shatters from his grasp.

He wonders if Erwin ever truly saw him in those moments, but he doesn’t have any memories of seeing himself anyway, so maybe he’s just imagining things. He’s probably imagining all of this anyway. He’s probably dead and he’s being forced to watch his sordid life play by him again and again, powerless to do or change anything.

If there really is a place called Hell, this seems to be it.

But some of the memories don’t make sense, because they’re not his memories at all. In one of them he sees himself lying in a hospital bed, bandaged up and out cold. This is when he hurt himself in one of his earlier expeditions, and he certainly doesn’t remember Erwin sitting next to his bed, doesn’t remember Erwin’s fingers card through his hair so gently. He’s sure he’d have remembered if it had ever happened.

In another one, he’s in a carriage alone with Erwin. The entire memory is spent in silence, with Erwin squinting at paper after paper, clearly preparing for a meeting of some sort. He wants to make a comment about how he’s ruining his eyesight by trying to read in the shitty light, but he stops himself. The very idea of nagging a hallucination of a dead man is so ridiculous…

Suddenly, Erwin chuckles softly. “Oh, Levi,” he murmurs, so fondly that Levi actually feels more disoriented than he has all this time. He’s holding a document, and Levi can see his own handwriting on it. Erwin keeps looking at the report, but Levi can tell he’s stopped reading. Then Erwin places the report back in the open folder next to him, and leans back with a sigh.

Levi watches him adjust himself as best he can — this is one of his overnight journeys — and wants more badly than ever to brush the strands of blond hair off his forehead.

But then Erwin’s gaze wanders over to the corner of the carriage where he’s huddled, then utters a soft “Goodnight, Levi.”

The darkness spreads before Erwin can even finish closing his eyes.

* * *

The next strange one is the expedition he’s sure he was never on. He sees Erwin and Hange and the kids from his new squad, but he doesn’t remember going on an expedition with them like this, not like this. He can’t see himself anywhere.

When… when was this—

Erwin is giving a speech. It makes him look so glorious and invincible that Levi feels a tug in his heart. He’d follow him if he was there. Why isn’t he there? He watches Erwin ride ahead, lead the charge. Sees him raise his sword, pointing ahead, so commanding and compelling and _beautiful—_

And then the Titan gets him.

Levi knows he’s trying to scream but no sound is coming from his throat. He reaches for his swords but he’s not wearing any gear. He can only watch, helpless, terrified, as the Titan carries Erwin away, blood gushing from his arm.

He knows, he fucking _knows_ what happens here but he runs after them anyway. He has no horse, no gear, and yet somehow he manages to keep up with the monster. He watches two soldiers break from the formation and try to take the Titan down.

And as he watches the Titan’s twisted steps — this one is faster than normal — and sees the trajectories of the soldiers, Levi realises, with a rush of ice in his veins, that they won’t make it. Something different is going to happen in this endless parade of memories for once, and it’s the worst possible outcome.

He’s running even faster now, faster than he could be on horseback. He hands fly to his sides and he doesn’t stop to wonder that he has his blades now, that he’s wearing the holster with the triggers of the gear in them. He draws them out, glad that he doesn’t need his missing fingers to use them, not really, and _leaps_.

His gear catches on the Titan and he aims at the back of its ankles. He can’t use his backhanded grip on the blades and he’d rather not risk failing at slicing off its nape. The Titan crashes to its knees and _finally_ the soldiers catch up, they can take over from here—

But Erwin is still caught in its mouth. Erwin will go down with the Titan. It’ll probably fall right onto him.

Levi can’t let that happen.

He latches his gear onto its neck and swings around. He has to be quick, has to make this quick—

Erwin is already jabbing at the Titan's cheek, ripping open its jaw, extending its smile. But it's not enough. Levi latches onto the other cheek, stabs and saws and slices through the other edge of its lip. But it's still not letting Erwin go, and for a split second, Levi can see Erwin's mangled arm caught between its teeth. His stomach heaves but he has nothing to hurl, not in this form anyway…

Fury and grief are blazing in Levi's skull as he wrenches his blades from the Titan's jaw. It's already falling, and the image of Erwin's torn and twisted arm in its mouth makes him slash down, hard and precise, at Erwin's arm instead.

It's terrible how slicing through human flesh feels no different. Erwin watches him sever his arm — _he's watching him_ — and fires his triggers away from the collapsing titan. Levi stays on the corpse, and holds Erwin's gaze as he tumbles to the ground with his bleeding stump of an arm.

"Commander!" One of the soldiers screams, from far away it seems, and as the Titan crashes down onto Levi, Erwin's blue, blue eyes are still fixed on him. The blue is the last thing he sees before the ground splinters on impact and he is swallowed by darkness again.

* * *

Of _course_ this is the next memory. Levi watches the door close behind a nurse, leaving him alone with his younger self. It’s just the two of them— and Erwin, of course, but he might as well not be there. Levi doesn’t look at the bed for too long. Even though he knows that Erwin will wake up, that he will fight and win more battles for humanity, Levi doesn’t like this memory. Doesn’t like seeing him like this, pale and weak and barely alive. The picture is too painful: the wet redness of his bandages too bright in the grey room, his blond hair a dull mess on the pillow, his breathing so shallow Levi remembers being bone-deep terrified in this moment.

Levi knows nothing will happen now. Erwin won’t wake up for a few more days, he himself is going to leave soon to take the brats to the cabin. He crouches down and sits on the floor slowly, preparing himself for a long wait. He’s assuming he’s going to be here until Erwin wakes up, but of course, he’s wrong again.

After an indeterminate amount of time, the door opens and a young Sasha Braus steps inside. Levi feels an unexpected tinge of hurt in his chest. Yet another young subordinate he has outlived…

“We’re ready to go, Captain!” She announces with a smart salute. Her voice is too loud in the still air of the room, and both Levis wince.

The younger, whole Levi stands up. “Go get saddled up. I’ll be there.”

“Yes, sir.” She hesitates at the door, throwing him and Erwin a long, wondering glance before leaving. Yet another thing Levi hadn’t noticed in the actual moment, but now that he has, he wonders what made her hesitate, what she saw in his face.

Not that it matters anymore.

He watches himself put on his black jacket, limp over to the table to pick up a folder full of documents— to work on them in the cabin, he remembers. He limps back to the bedside, stops, and stares. Levi remembers this struggle, remembers how he had to force himself to look at the stump, as much as it pained him.

But Levi doesn’t remember turning around, shooting his glare at a corner. At _his_ dark corner, where he sits now, numb and older and tired and bloodless. His younger self looks him up and down, cold glare lingering on his injured eye, his mutilated hand. He opens his mouth and utters one, raspy word.

“Good.”

Then, with a sniff, he turns on his heel, marches out of the room, and had Erwin not been in the room, he probably would’ve slammed the door shut.

Levi understands completely. He knows what he meant. He looks across at the bed once more, where he can see the bandaged stump of Erwin’s arm with perfect clarity. He raises his own hand, looks at the glimmering raw stumps of his fingers.

“Good,” he agrees.

* * *

He drifts past more memories. He sees himself chased down the streets by Kenny’s squad, sees himself in the Reiss cavern, waiting for Rod Reiss’ gigantic titan to approach Wall Sina, remembers them as they take place. But he sees more unfamiliar ones: a dark, dank prison cell, the moment the old Government is shattered in a throne room, quiet meetings with Historia, a sunny afternoon watching the orphan kids at the farm…

It gets to a point where he can’t tell whether the memories are his or not.

Levi watches himself open the door, and the look on his own face makes his gut twist. How did Erwin not see—

"I'll trust your decision, Erwin."

_Slam._

And he is left alone, silent, in the corner. With Erwin, who sits in the sunlight, and his expression makes Levi's gut twist even more.

Oh. He did see.

There is silence for a minute. Erwin stares at the ground, unconsciously facing away from the stump of his right arm, as if he couldn't bear to see it. Then, he gets up, slowly, wearily, as if he's carrying a heavy weight. Levi knows he is.

Erwin walks up to the window, stands there motionless, and he looks like a golden statue, lovely and magnificent and terribly sad…

"Hello again, Levi," he murmurs, and looks straight at him.

Levi feels his heart hitch, frozen in shock.

"Erwin?" He whispers, tentative, disbelieving.

Erwin's posture slackens, he lets out a sigh. "So you really are here," he says quietly.

How— how is this possible? This has to be a dream. A fever-induced nightmare. A hallucination in his final death throes.

How can Erwin _see_ him?

"I've always seen you," Erwin mutters, as if in answer to his thoughts. "For years now you have haunted me. Every time I see you I am reminded of your mortality. Every expedition, every small skirmish I expect to see you torn and bloodied like this but you return unscathed… And every time I try to talk to you you disappear. Every time I think it's the last time and then you come back. You always come back." Erwin turns fully to face him, the sunlight casting dips and planes of shadows on his face. "Why?"

Levi shakes his head a little, still at a loss for words. _How is this possible?_

Erwin's voice has been steady until now, low and sure. But now he falters. "Is this… my punishment? Did I do this to you, Levi?"

"No." Levi blurts. He can't let Erwin think that. "No, I. I did this to myself." It's all coming back to him now. The forest. The Beast. The thunderspear.

Erwin blinks, his eyebrows twitch in emotion before his calm expression takes over again. "I'm sorry."

Levi simply shakes his head, and Erwin's mask seems to break again.

Erwin takes a step towards him. "Are you from the future?"

Levi swallows. Nods.

Another step. "Are you dead?"

Levi takes a deep breath. "I don't know," he says truthfully.

Erwin takes yet another tentative step toward him. "I'm sorry," he repeats, his voice softer.

"Not your fault," Levi whispers. The look on Erwin's face _hurts_ and he wants to look away, it's too painful, but he can't. He can't look away. He hasn't seen him in so long, he didn't think he could ever see him again, alive and breathing and _whole_ , and he just can't. He can't let himself look away.

Erwin stops mere feet from him. The tender expression is still on his face but Levi can practically see the gears in his head turn by the curious glint in his blue, blue eyes.

The silence stretches too long and Levi mutters, "Go on. Ask me."

He feels his heart thud like a drumbeat. Should he tell him? Will it make a difference if he tells him, here and now, about the basement and everything that comes after? If it makes him stay, if it makes him change his mind—

"Ask you what?" Erwin hedges.

"What you want to know," Levi spits with more force than expected.

Erwin lets out a soft huff of a chuckle. They know each other too well. He knows, and Levi knows it.

"Only if you want to tell me."

And for a second Levi doesn't believe him. This is what Erwin has dreamt of since he was that little golden child in the sunlit classroom. This is his life's driving question, and of _course_ he'd want to know—

But then Levi looks at him, and realises, stunned, that he means it. Erwin is leaving the decision to him. To _him._ _Again_.

And Levi can't, he can't do this, he can't make another huge decision like this, not when the last one seemed more wrong than right, he can't do this again—

"Well I do want to know something," Erwin says suddenly.

"What is it?" Levi blurts immediately.

Erwin inches closer. "Just now," he says slowly, "you were angry. Are angry." A small quirk of his lips at his acknowledgement of the difficulty of speaking in the right tense. But then he suddenly looks so sombre Levi's breath catches.

"In the future," Erwin begins, and raises his hand. Levi watches his fingers, mesmerised. "Did you ever find it in yourself to forgive me?"

Levi's eyes dart back to Erwin's face and the breath is knocked out of his lungs when cool, rough fingertips touch his face. His wounds.

"I already have," Levi whispers honestly. Erwin's palm is on his cheek now, thumb running down what must be a deep cut. And for the first time Levi can feel the stinging burn of his wounds, and he sucks in a shuddering gasp of pain.

"Oh, Levi," Erwin murmurs morosely, his eyes glimmering with the same pain, it seems. "What have I done to you?"

Levi opens his mouth to speak, to tell him that it wasn't him, it was never him, never his fault, always Levi's own choice—

But suddenly he can't breathe, like he's drowning, and he can't— he needs to tell him—

Darkness edges his vision and he shakes his head violently, reaching up to grab Erwin's hand on his face, mouthing a vehement _NO_ , but Erwin's hand is already turning intangible—

And Erwin's golden, sorrowful face cracks apart, melting into darkness…

…

… which fades away in a blink, and Levi finds himself standing in front of two men, one sitting on a crate, the other kneeling before him. This is his clearest, dearest memory, something he has thought of so many times that finding himself actually _in_ _it_ once more throws him for a second. Erwin is smiling down at him, Levi sees the back of his own chest rise and fall with the shuddering breath he had taken to steel himself— and then younger Levi gets up and strides away without another word. _Oh_ , but he should’ve waited, he should’ve stayed, should’ve given themselves even a few more moments, just a few more final seconds—

He— the old and tired and hurt version of him— steps forward as Erwin stands up. He is still reeling from the abrupt way the previous memory ended, the sharp grief associated with this one, and Levi _needs_ to tell him, he needs to make sure he knows—

But Erwin isn’t looking at him. Erwin is still smiling. His eyes are still glimmering with unshed tears. And he’s still looking at Levi, at the younger him.

For the first time, Erwin doesn’t see _him_ at all.

“Erwin,” Levi gasps, but Erwin walks right past him as though pulled by a string, his gaze still fixed on the retreating Levi’s back. Levi stumbles after him, catches up with him. “Erwin,” he says again urgently, but Erwin doesn’t, can’t see him. He’s—

He’s already lost to him. Again.

Levi stands frozen, watches himself call the survivors to attention. Watches Erwin walk up to stand in front of them, the smile gone from his face now, readying himself for his speech, the ‘con’...

But just before he starts, just as past Levi walks by him to take his place by his side, Levi sees Erwin lift his remaining hand unobtrusively, sees his beautiful fingers hook gently at the edge of Levi’s cloak, as if he needs to hold on—

He knew, he knew.

He knew _everything_.

This time Levi turns around, walks away from the memory because he doesn’t need to see any more. And as he hears Erwin give his final speech behind him, he walks into a growing crack of light and shadows.

* * *

Whatever memories come next are blurred, fleeting. Levi watches, numb and burning at the same time, as he is made to flit across a field of scattered corpses, a cold rooftop, the hard stone face of a lifeless statue in pouring rain, the ocean— bright blue and even more painful somehow, empty and boring meetings, a lacklustre foreign country—

And then he is drowning again. He can't breathe, water filling his lungs, and he could just let go, just let it end, but as he chokes what seem like his final breaths ( _finally_ ), he sees a man sitting on a crate, golden head bowed, golden smile sad, blue eyes tearful…

No, no, no. He swore, he _swore_ , and he fights against the dark current engulfing him, pushes and scrabbles until he finds muck, grass…

Familiar hands grab him, hold him, stitch him together. A familiar voice comes to him as if from far away, quiet and sad.

"...should just stay here away from it all, huh."

He is lying on something that shifts like sand.

 _Thank you, Levi,_ Erwin tells him in his ear.

He opens his one eye and sees stars, millions and billions of them above him, a bright cluster streaking across like a glowing scar in the night sky.

"...people of Eldia…" _This_ voice is also familiar but unwelcome. He shifts, and the sand shifts beneath him, and as he struggles to sit up, the crack in the sky glows brighter, flashes down to the horizon. He manages to lift himself up as Eren Jaeger’s cold voice drones on, and Levi is only half listening to his terrible speech because he sees _them_.

Ghosts and sentinels from his past, flickering in and out of sight around him, melting into shards of broken, unfinished pictures. He sees the golden haired boy smiling from one. Petra’s eager face in another. Isabel and Furlan waiting for him in the Underground, Hange looking determined and _scared_ … all his memories are arrayed before him like many pieces of stained glass suspended from the starry ceiling. He stares at them one after the other in silence, completely overwhelmed. If this is hell, then it’s a beautiful place.

“...walls on the island of Paradis have been undone…”

They’re all there, they’re all _right there_. Moblit sketching Rod Reiss’ face. Kenny giving him his first knife. The kid that stole his money pouch in Liberio. Erwin smiling at him as he fell asleep in the carriage.

“...the world’s hatred has grown…”

A faded, glimmering glimpse of his mother’s smiling face. Hange solemnly closing Erwin’s eyes. Kenny grinning from under the tree. His squads bickering away, in the old castle, on the railway track, in the forest. Erwin, mouthing _what have I done to you?_

“...thunder across the world to every land…”

A giant bird with people on its back. A flash of steel and a familiar golden head being severed from its shoulders. And Erwin, still Erwin, always Erwin, still sitting on that crate and smiling at him.

_Thank you, Levi._

The speech ends. The stars and shards blink away and the sand turns to cold, hard ground.

Levi opens his eye, again. "The Beast…" he mutters, mouth muffled by bandages. "I let the bastard go again."

He ignores Hange as they gasp, lifts the remnant of his hand, stares at the bandaged stump of his missing fingers, feels the pain assault him with renewed force.

 _Now_ he knows he’s back in hell; there’s no Erwin here anymore, after all. But he doesn’t mind. Erwin and all the rest of his people are smiling, glimmering in the sand and the stars somewhere, but he still has work to do.

He still has a promise to keep.

* * *

Have a look at this lovely art by [Zorthania](https://twitter.com/Zorthania/status/1370909662669721601) on twitter and send her some love! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's that. Again, I genuinely don't know how the mechanics of this work. I got a vague idea of Levi with his Ackerman heritage being able to see memory shards because why not? I wanted to wait to see if there would be anything more we learnt about P A T H S but I don't see us getting any more of an explanation so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I had to write this because I just crave that angst mineral, y'know?
> 
> Anyway, I hope nothing was too melodramatic or OOC! Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading! <3


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